Building the Future: How to Move Your Family, Overcome Fear, and Create the Next Chapter Together
A Tactical and Emotional Guide to Leaving Safely, Planning Wisely, and Living Freely — Before the World Forces Your Hand.
So, there we were—our family, kids, adults, all of us—sitting around the dining room table after dinner. The question was put before everyone:
Where are we going to immigrate to?
Canada?
Ireland?
Italy?
Spain?
Portugal?
Malta?
Or… Country X?
I gave a full briefing on each:
What would it take to move there?
How residency and citizenship pathways worked.
Political and economic climates.
Cultural realities.
A CIA-level debrief, complete with charts, statistics, pros, and cons.
The kids didn’t like Italy, Spain, Portugal, Malta, or Canada.
They worried they wouldn’t have strong career opportunities.
They didn’t think they could learn Italian, Spanish, or Portuguese fast enough to compete.
They thought Malta’s economy was too small.
They said Canada was “too cold”—a claim I challenged, considering we live in Minnesota (Toronto and Ottawa are the same climate, and we somehow survive here).
They were honest. Emotional. And, because they inherited my Italian genes, very animated.
My wife leaned toward Canada. It would be the least disruptive. And frankly, she’s right. Minnesota, Toronto, Ottawa—culturally and economically, there’s far less adjustment than if we moved to Europe.
Plus: the dogs.
We have two big golden retrievers. Driving them across the border sounds a lot less traumatic than forcing them through a 12-hour transatlantic flight. (It sounds trivial, but when you're moving your entire life, nothing is trivial.)
The girls kept fixating on how they were going to "freeze to death" in Canada. (A bit dramatic, maybe. But emotional objections always sound more like life-and-death than they rationally are.)
So it came back to me.
I said: Ireland is the better bet for long-term safety and strategic distance from the U.S.—because if things truly go sideways, Canada is still geographically and economically dependent on the U.S. in a way that Europe is not.
But we needed more than one plan.
Thus, after several hours of sometimes loud but honest discussion, the shortlist emerged: Ireland. Canada. Portugal.
Now, I could have just played King of Siam: "We are moving to Ireland. So let it be written, so let it be done."
(Not keen on shaving my head.)
I’m the one driving this entire operation.
I’ll fund it.
I’ll set up the companies or secure the citizenships.
I’ll pay the lawyers, the accountants, the governments.
I’ll pay to put the kids and my wife into legal status abroad, whether by bloodline citizenship (Italy), or business residency (Ireland).
If I wanted to dictate it, I probably could have.
I didn’t.
I’m not a psychologist. So I’m not going to Fraiser Crane the shit out of this.
But I have negotiated with foreign governments for the United States.
I’ve negotiated multi-million dollar commercial deals for companies.
It’s the same core dynamic every time: You don’t force buy-in. You earn it.
There’s a great book by Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference. I’ve met Chris a few times. One thing he said stuck with me:
“In the FBI, we couldn’t say, ‘You kill a few hostages, we take a few hostages, and that's a good deal.’ Negotiation isn’t about compromise. It’s about emotional needs.”
Exactly.
The real negotiation isn’t which country to move to. It’s how you make people feel safe enough to say yes.
And that’s what this guide is really about. There are two elements here. The first is dealing with people’s fears. The second deals with the plan so everyone feels comfortable enough to buy in on the execution.